I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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