i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
