we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
