gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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