There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
