You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
