So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
this boner is exhausting
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
