And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
