they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
