Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
