Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
