We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Randomize
