He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
