He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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