will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
