I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
