just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
