dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
