i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
