I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
