soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
