just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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