i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
