Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
and she was petting her beer can
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
