Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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