You can't special order awesome
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
