I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Randomize
