Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
