you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
