I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
