Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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