Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
