Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
