Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
