I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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