You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
