I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
