totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Alive.
So much puke
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
