if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
