She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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