I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
