i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
