Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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