it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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