My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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