I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
