She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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