She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
