Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
As shirtless as possible
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
