and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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