I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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